


There is a blast

by SerMisty



Series: PolyPearls [25]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst ahead, Blue Pearl is mute, F/F, Multi, White Pearl Theory, every single episode inspires me a polypearls fic is this possible, fucking diamonds, spoilers from Monster Reunion I suppose
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-28
Updated: 2016-07-28
Packaged: 2018-07-27 05:32:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,455
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7605601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SerMisty/pseuds/SerMisty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>They say it doesn't hurt</i>.</p>
            </blockquote>





	There is a blast

**Author's Note:**

> written in two hours and inspired directly from what we discovered in Monster Reunion, so spoilers for that if you haven't seen it yet. I had to. Beware of angst. I hope you enjoy.

There will be a blast. 

Blue and Yellow sit on the floor of Blue Diamond’s waiting room. Hands search for each other, but hesitate to hold, and just brush their fingers together in the slightest comfort they dare to give and get. 

«They said it was a last resort weapon». 

Yellow stares at her feet, but she’s not really seeing anything. Her mind is fixated on whole other images, on memories of White, of White laughing and smiling and running away and coming back. And she’s so concentrated in keeping those memories close, that she doesn’t even have to strength to cry. 

«Why use it now? There could still be a chance – to win, I mean». 

It’s funny, Yellow realizes, because it’s been one thousand years and she never picked a side. She didn’t want Homeworld to be destroyed – what if Blue got hurt? And what would have happened to them? – but she didn’t want the rebels to lose, neither. 

It’s funny. But it’s not. 

«They’re all going to be corrupted. Everyone. Even-» 

She can’t say it. The name just won’t come up, it refuses to exit her throat, in a last attempt of complete denial. But it’s true, and Yellow can’t do anything to change it.  
All the gems on Earth are going to be corrupted. All of them. Without exception. 

Why would the stars ever make an exception for _her_ , after all. 

Blue is sitting at her side, but Yellow has to turn her head to check. She looks even smaller than usual with her knees against her chest, and more silent than ever. Thin but constant rivers of tears slide down her cheeks, and Yellow wishes she could stop them, but has no idea how. 

«She always comes back. She’s always that idiot that comes back and visits, and now – now, nothing». 

What would she tell her, if White actually appears? Climbing over the window, with that Renegade smirk painted on, starting the usual debate on how she can’t just stick to her own decision, the usual debate that is just foreplay for kisses.  
But White isn’t going to appear. There is no possible time. White isn’t going to appear, there will be no climbing over windows, no smirks, no debates, no kissing. Only a blast. 

Yellow tries to remember the last time White visited and left, and it comes confused and blurred in her mind. She panics – _she can’t let go now_ – and it just makes it worse, and eventually her mind is blank and her eyes are full of tears, and her throat full of sobs.

White isn’t coming back. Not anymore. 

 

*** 

 

There is a blast. 

The light is powerful, even from the Moon, but Blue and Yellow keep watching without closing their eyes. Hands pressed against the window of the room their Diamonds left them in, before climbing up the stairs to the top and activate the weapon that just ended the war.  
The light is powerful and Yellow’s eyes burn, but she’s not going to close them. If this is happening, she’s going to watch until the end of it. 

(Are White’s eyes already closed?) 

Yellow keeps staring, and she’s actually surprised it doesn’t hurt more. The knowledge of what is happening down there flows through her body and leaves her breathless, but doesn’t strike her from head to toe as she expected. It’s just – it’s _there_ , inside of her, and she knows that White is gone and she can’t breathe but she can and why can she? 

(Is White thinking about them? Is she thinking anymore?) 

The true pain and the true fear start when the light starts to dim, and when it disappears. When there is no light to watch anymore, the crushing truth falls on her with all its weight, the horrible awareness that White is gone but they’re still there and they’re supposed to go on forever like all of this doesn’t matter. 

Yellow isn’t sure they can. She isn’t even sure they will be able to dry their tears before the Diamonds walk back downstairs. 

If Blue wasn’t there, maybe Yellow would just let herself be shattered. Maybe she would have let it happen years ago. 

But Blue _is_ there, right next to her, and her sobs are silent but they shake her whole little body, and she presses her forehead against the glass and punches the window and Yellow just wants to yell. 

White is gone and probably didn’t even have the time to think about them before her gem corrupted, and everything is horrible but she’s going to keep Blue safe. 

(White would do the same). 

At the first faint contact that her hand makes with Blue’s shoulder, Blue gives in. She throws herself in Yellow’s arms and grasps at her shoulder pads so hard that she risks to rip them, and cries against her chest and there is literally nothing else Yellow can do.  
She tries to keep a solid image of White in her mind, but it deforms and it’s terrifying and Yellow wonders how she’s feeling. 

«They say it doesn’t hurt». 

And it’s really the worst thing Yellow could say, but she _has_ to talk, just to empty her mind from the screams that occupy it. It’s also a lie – she has no idea if it hurts or not, nobody has, because no corrupted gem has ever been reversed. But she’s seen some of them transform, and from the way they shrieked – it probably hurt. A lot. 

(Did it hurt more than her running away?) 

Blue hasn’t even heard her, probably, and that’s the only good thing. She keeps crying, and Yellow holds her, and maybe that is going to be enough. 

The blast was white. 

Yellow hates irony. 

 

*** 

 

There has been a blast. 

It’s been more than five thousands of years, but Yellow remembers it like it was yesterday. She remembers the light, she remembers the pain, and she remembers the tears. 

It’s been more than five thousands of years, and it’s more than enough to elaborate a grief. Blue smiles again, and she does too, and they are alive – Blue still projects that hologram, the hologram of White fighting on Blue Diamond’s Cloud Arena, and they don’t get so sad anymore when they watch it. It’s just mental pain, no more physical.  
She keeps standing, and it’s not small thing. 

She’s okay. And Blue is too. It’s been bad, but they survived, and she’s okay. 

«The weirdest thing happened to me today». 

Blue greets her with a kiss, and then sits on the floor of Yellow Diamond’s waiting room – same old room of five thousand years ago – and waits for Yellow to do the same. Yellow obliges, sitting next to her, and smirks gently as Blue rests her head on her shoulder. 

«This Peridot – can you believe it? She called Yellow Diamond a clod. You had to see her face, I thought she was going to explode». 

Blue’s chest is shook by silent giggles. It's funnier to describe than to see – she has really been afraid of her Diamond’s reactions – but it is not the reason she’s telling this story.

«That Peridot called from Earth». 

The giggles stop, and Blue goes still on her shoulder.  
They’re okay. They _are_. But there are still a couple of taboos that are too painful to touch.  
Yellow waits for Blue to move, to stop her. She doesn’t, so she sighs and keeps going. 

«It’s strange, you know. I almost thought I saw her. Behind a – I don’t know, a giant broken green machine or something». 

And at this point Blue actually punches her, but when Yellow complains and lowers her eyes she sees that she’s giggling again. Giggling, even if they’re talking about _her_. 

«What?» Yellow replies. «I swear! There was this – this thing and-» 

And Blue keeps laughing, and Yellow wants to say something but she ends up laughing too, because it makes no sense and it feels so good, for once, laughing about her. And when tears slide down her cheeks, they don’t burn. They’re tears of relief, because maybe they’re okay, maybe they really are okay.

«I’m such a mess» she comments in the end, and wipes away those couple of tears, and Blue does the same. «I even hallucinate now». 

Blue kisses her at the corner of her lips and rests her head on her shoulder again.  
Yellow hums. 

«I miss her». 

It’s not difficult to say – not anymore, not after five thousands of years – but it still isn’t easy. It still isn’t easy to admit how she feels, and Blue rewards her with another kiss and a little nod, because she misses her too. 

They’re okay. They are.  
If only hallucinations could be real.


End file.
